Trichotillomania/My Story
Good afternoon beauties, todays post is a bit of a different one, today I thought I would share my story of suffering with Trichotillomania since I was about 9 years old and how I have struggled over the years from it.
When I was roughly 9 years old, I remember I would sit in my room and just rip chunks of my hair out, I had no idea why, but it was such a stress relief for me and it for some reason felt good, well from there on, it got significantly worse into my teen years. My mom would find piles of hair behind the couch, when she would color my hair she would find tons and tons of bald spots, roughly the size of golf balls and up, and nothing would help me stop. I never knew this actually had a name or was an actual condition until I talked to one of my doctors about it when I was like 15, and then I was able to stop for a while! Not completely stop, but it was just less and less everyday. When my husband came back into my life, I was able to practically fully stop! If he ever saw me twirling a hair, he would bring it to my attention and I was able to stop. All of my bald spots grew back in, except for a few spots that were so damaged in the follices that they're still thin to this day! Honestly, I am writing this post right now to prevent me from doing it.
As some of you may know, I have been dealing with some really difficult health issues over the course of 9 months, and have undergone a varietyof surgeries & procedures over the last 7 months! During this time, I have been unable to really walk, and basically my days consist of watching netlix in bed with the heating pad on my body! Also, times of excruciating pain, filled with tears. With those things, stress, anxiety, pain, confusion, comes pulling.
The pulling has gotten fiercely worse, the bald spots have come back, I pulled so severely last night that I had a sore on my scalp from how much was ripped from that one spot.
Why I am writing this, is to let any of you Trichsters out there know, that you are not alone.
You are not crazy, you are not selfish, you are not "ugly" you are not unattractive, you are not insane, etc. etc. etc. I've heard it all, kids at school judging me comparing me to cancer patients and saying "At least they don't have a choice, you just do this to yourself" etc. when the reality is, we have NO control over this. It isn't our faults, it doesn't make us insane or abnormal. If you struggle with this, whether it be pulling your hair out, or picking your skin etc. the various disorders that come along with Trich, please just remember you aren't alone. You aren't fighting this battle alone, you are beautiful, you are LOVED, you are perfect in God's image, and completely without flaw. Think of how many people we see on a daily basis that bite their nails, and pull the skin around their nails, we are no different, nor are they any different than us, our situation is just a different areal of picking.
I thought I would write down some things that can help & prevent this:
1. Go to bed with a shower cap, bandana, or hoodie on. The shower cap covers ALL of your hair, and you hear the sound of the plastic when you touch it!
2. Keep your hands VERY busy. Write, journal, knit, crochet, paint, draw, etc.
3. Talk to someone else who struggles with this, they won't condenm you or make you feel bad, they understand the severity of it.
4. Make a chart of how many hours, days, weeks you've gone without pulling and picking, and put stickers or checks on that amount of time, and when you reach that goal, reward yourself. Whether it be rewarding yourself with your favorite snack, or even your favorite lipstick! Just reward yourself. This will keep you motivated, and it'll make you proud of yourself!
5. When you do slip up, don't feel terrible about yourself and feel like you've messed up huge, just try again :)
You've got this, I believe in you, I believe you will beat this, and I think that you are fiercely beautiful!
I didn't want to share any photos of my current situations because I know it makes a lot of people feel uneasy, and I know many don't understand, but just know that I understand you, I love you, and I believe in you babes. I apologize for the non makeup post, but I felt heavy on my heart to touch on this subject because I know the pain and bullying that comes with it.
